How do gay men decide who is on bottom
Straight people tend to get a petty hung up on titles and roles in queer relationships. When it comes to gay sex, many people manage to think rigidly and a tiny too heteronormatively for their own good: one person is the top (aka the giver or the more dominant partner during sex), and one is the bottom (the receiver or the submissive partner).
It’s sort of a more prying version of the other severely reductive and incredibly problematic question lgbtq+ people hear all the time: “Who’s the man in the relationship? Who’s the woman?”
Of course, as with anything related to sex, the binary partnership between tops and bottoms is a lot more complicated than that. Sure, there are plenty of queer folks who almost exclusively bottom or superior during sex, but there’s just as many who regard themselves versatile or switch (And hey, sometimes, just enjoy with straight sex, there’s no penetration at all. Sex is fluid!)
To dig a tiny deeper, we asked queer men about topping and bottoming, the stereotypes related with both and how they decide to use (or not!) the terms in their hold lives.
Let’s initiate with some immediate and dirty definitions for tops and bottoms. (And switche Gay Men's Preferences for "Top" Vs. "Bottom" Can Be Judged By Their Face
It’s been known for a while that it takes less than a second for people to use their internal “gaydar” to decide if they think a man is homosexual or heterosexual, and such snap judgements look after to be right. But can facial differences be used to distinguish between different types of gay men — specifically, those who define themselves as “tops” versus “bottoms”?
To find out, the authors of this analyze recruited 23 participants from Amazon’s mTurk (including 7 females). The participants were asked to see at 200 photographs of queer men found on an online dating site (100 tops, 100 bottoms) and categorize them as tops or bottoms. Interestingly, they chose the correct roles at a rate better than chance, although they were biased towards choosing the male-stereotypical “top” role.
As you might have guessed, the participants were using cues related to masculinity (e.g., plump eyebrows, large noses) to construct their choices. The authors conclude with this tantalizing suggestion: “it is possible that similar effects may be found in opposite-sex relationships: women may be competent to identify s
Since starting Material Queer, I have received countless emails and pitches about sex, many from the Diverse community who, quite frankly and rightly so, are nervous about sex.
That’s S-E-X.
Yes, you can say it out loud. It’s not a dirty word. Feeling embarrassed to talk about sex and our bodies is not something innate—we are taught to touch that shame from a frighteningly young age.
The times they are a-changin'
Although I have had a lot of sex, I’m not a sexpert, but with experience comes advice and you can bet your bottom dollar (LOL!) I’ve got some of that.
I remember my first period. It was romantic. It was cold. He was Gary. It was 2005, and Shockwave’s wet-look gel was all the rage. Gary had it on his head in slabs, all brought forward with a fine comb, and you could see each parting like a ridged field during harvest, with a few wispy strays glued to his forehead. He wore a checked white and blue short-sleeved Super Dry shirt, and to complete the watch , boot-cut jeans with brown brogues.
He caught my attention with a Marlboro Gold and had me hooked with a double vodka, soda, and lime. On the dance floor, he had his hands in my back pockets, and we just swayed lik
Any gay bottom guys like me?
xenogeneic-red-chipmunk1
I’m in a monogamous relationship with a great guy, and sex has never been anything less than amazing. The thing is, I’m a bottom, and my boyfriend is a superior. So most of the time I don’t bother trying to get an erection or contain an orgasm, I just focus on his pleasure. He’s been great about encouraging me to come after he does, but it’s like I’m too afraid to strive. He’s offered to give me chief, or do other stuff I prefer, to help fetch me stimulated, and I’m pretty sure I could because I’ve done that in the past. But I fond of him so much, and because it’s not just a hookup, I touch this pressure to not disappoint him and I don’t want him to get frustrated if it takes me a really drawn-out time to arrive. I’ve told him I want to try and he was excited about that. I’ve done the first phase of the courses and I’m starting to feel more confident but it still makes me anxious when I think about trying. Just wondering if anybody has ever had a similar experience.
26 Likes
sweet-black-dog2
I’m not gay but I think I can relate in the sense of not wanting to disappoint my partner. She has told me that she has pleasure just watchin
Gay Men's Preferences for "Top" Vs. "Bottom" Can Be Judged By Their Face
It’s been known for a while that it takes less than a second for people to use their internal “gaydar” to decide if they think a man is homosexual or heterosexual, and such snap judgements look after to be right. But can facial differences be used to distinguish between different types of gay men — specifically, those who define themselves as “tops” versus “bottoms”?
To find out, the authors of this analyze recruited 23 participants from Amazon’s mTurk (including 7 females). The participants were asked to see at 200 photographs of queer men found on an online dating site (100 tops, 100 bottoms) and categorize them as tops or bottoms. Interestingly, they chose the correct roles at a rate better than chance, although they were biased towards choosing the male-stereotypical “top” role.
As you might have guessed, the participants were using cues related to masculinity (e.g., plump eyebrows, large noses) to construct their choices. The authors conclude with this tantalizing suggestion: “it is possible that similar effects may be found in opposite-sex relationships: women may be competent to identify s
Since starting Material Queer, I have received countless emails and pitches about sex, many from the Diverse community who, quite frankly and rightly so, are nervous about sex.
That’s S-E-X.
Yes, you can say it out loud. It’s not a dirty word. Feeling embarrassed to talk about sex and our bodies is not something innate—we are taught to touch that shame from a frighteningly young age.
The times they are a-changin'
Although I have had a lot of sex, I’m not a sexpert, but with experience comes advice and you can bet your bottom dollar (LOL!) I’ve got some of that.
I remember my first period. It was romantic. It was cold. He was Gary. It was 2005, and Shockwave’s wet-look gel was all the rage. Gary had it on his head in slabs, all brought forward with a fine comb, and you could see each parting like a ridged field during harvest, with a few wispy strays glued to his forehead. He wore a checked white and blue short-sleeved Super Dry shirt, and to complete the watch , boot-cut jeans with brown brogues.
He caught my attention with a Marlboro Gold and had me hooked with a double vodka, soda, and lime. On the dance floor, he had his hands in my back pockets, and we just swayed lik
Any gay bottom guys like me?
xenogeneic-red-chipmunk1
I’m in a monogamous relationship with a great guy, and sex has never been anything less than amazing. The thing is, I’m a bottom, and my boyfriend is a superior. So most of the time I don’t bother trying to get an erection or contain an orgasm, I just focus on his pleasure. He’s been great about encouraging me to come after he does, but it’s like I’m too afraid to strive. He’s offered to give me chief, or do other stuff I prefer, to help fetch me stimulated, and I’m pretty sure I could because I’ve done that in the past. But I fond of him so much, and because it’s not just a hookup, I touch this pressure to not disappoint him and I don’t want him to get frustrated if it takes me a really drawn-out time to arrive. I’ve told him I want to try and he was excited about that. I’ve done the first phase of the courses and I’m starting to feel more confident but it still makes me anxious when I think about trying. Just wondering if anybody has ever had a similar experience.
26 Likes
sweet-black-dog2
I’m not gay but I think I can relate in the sense of not wanting to disappoint my partner. She has told me that she has pleasure just watchin