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12."My gay social media profiles say things like 'like 'em darker' or 'fan of diversity.'"

I like having sex with black men, and my desire puts me on a hazardous line between racism and diversity. I try to own it. My male lover social media profiles tell things like "like 'em darker" or "fan of diversity," which are shots, perhaps only somewhat victorious at best, to stay and project my want in terms that the other will experience as inclusive, not racist. My black sex partners look to walk that alike ambiguous line, pleased that I desire them, eager to satisfy me, and yet never able to escape completely the perception of being fetishized by me. I know this because some of them talk about it directly; in other cases, it's just a look in the eye, a tone of voice, during our pre- or post-repartee.

I've lived and worked in places where white men justify their racial discrimination with lines like, "It's not a prejudice, just a preference." In those locales, my overtures to men of color provoke the greatest response; but even then, the subtle proposal lingers between us, that they know that I know that they should not have to be grateful for something so simple as the granting of dignity

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